February 04, 2009

Good Food, Not for Thought

I've been home for nearly a week now and I still can't get used to all the food. So I try to eat as much of it as possible, greatly benefiting the American food economy during my brief stay. Last night, when all was still, I snuck down the creaky wooden steps and opened the fridge door and stood looking at it in naked greed for a few seconds. Then, overcome with desire, i pulled out a box of ice-cream and started gorging. I ate about half, and only replaced it because I thought I heard someone coming down the stairs. I know what would happen if they caught me. Shudder. Salad.

That's right. I would be made to eat salad. Because in the last four days, my body has ballooned and I'm starting to get a double chin. So I decided to call it a night. I pour myself a glass of cran-grape, my eleventh that day (I have to have at least ten, it's a ritual, albeit new, and untested for nutritional benefits). I creep up the stairs and snuggle under my blanket. Stupid snow. Then I realize I forgot something. I forgot something really big. Dessert. So I went down again. This time I was caught and sent to bed with dire warnings that included descriptions of how low-fat dressing tastes. Nasty.

Sleep overcomes the Fat One and I snore, my mouth open, reeking and spittley. My dreams are of valleys of cheese among mountains of sausages and bacon and other things Indian people think are way cool. I am woken up by the sound of the alarm, which was set to automatically go off the first misguided day I landed, convinced a little jogging in the snow at dawn can do no harm. Of course it can't, but dawn? Right. I cuss like a mofo and turn off the sound. My stomach grumbles. It wants nuggets. It really, really, needs them. Now.

I stumble down, and grope for the kitchen light. Which is already on. Coffeee?, my mom asks brightly. I nod, exhausted from the hunger and hopelessness of it all. Darn. Go shovel the drive, it snowed like crazy last night. I put on some warm clothing and head out. The air bites. I shovel. My food-deprived brain makes sausages dance in front of my eyes. I slip on the ice. I give up and go inside.

My mom packs mutton biryani in her lunch box. Yum. Indian food is good too. My mouth salivates. But I daren't ask for any. Because that would mean immediate salad. We joke about how the food stinks up her office microwave. She describes the food her co-workers bring. Oh, the pure torture of it all. The nuggets are screaming now. I lock the door behind her and take a deep breath. Then run, run, run and throw open the fridge.

I take the huge pack of nuggets and indiscriminately drop them onto a plate. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten... eleven.... twelve. Okay, a tiny thirteen. This of course is Round One. As it heats, I get the biryani ready. Oh, awesome, there are two slices of pepperoni pizza left. Great, I can always used those. I pour my first glass of cran-grape for the day. I munch on a special Indian Cashew Sweet and Hershey's Kisses combo I quickly made to pass the time as the other food is warming. This day shall be called fulfilling. There is nothing more to ask for.

You know, the meat industry will be sad to see me go. But... que sera sera. Burp.


Indrayani aka, Indi! said...

I thought you were somewhere in Calcutta!! :D

hahah...nice story though... :D

Pink Loves Paris said...

My gosh, I can see the words descirbing every day of my life since I arrived here two months ago. I have three chins now thank you very much. I hardly had one to start with.

A fair warning, stop :P

Anonymous said...

@Indi: No, no calcutta! Whatever gave you that idea? I study in mangalore, family is in U.S.

@Pink: I'm glad we have this also in common. We need to come up with a drastic weight loss plan :D

Pavitra Ramkumar said...

lolz! hey gr8 story....
i cant imagine myself eatin so much though.....I'm a finicky eater :P
And it shows on me too..!

Djarabia said...

Nice... i liked the part where u proclaimed urself as the FAT ONE!!!

Anonymous said...

@ Pavithra: U are lucky to be thin girl. I once prayed hard to be fat and Voila! I am. Not very nice.
@ Djarabia: You should see my now. When i get back i'll be the laughin (fat) stork of the class :(

Anonymous said...

really.. stork... i look pregnant LOL ... like a surrogate mother of octuplets. Ahem.

Pink Loves Paris said...

We really need to come up with a plan.

mania said...

this sucks. you ate too much like my sister.And she always like to say,''I am on dieting''

anyways, I am following your blog.

Miracle Drug said...

you study at kmc mangalore?

thanks for dropping by my blog.. its always nice to get to know other ppl from med school who blog... its not a very common species.

deluded said...


bring back some. please.


can I blogmark you?

Anurag said...

Haha....Ya it is sad

btw love the way you write gal....I wonder how u came up with this line

"My dreams are of valleys of cheese among mountains of sausages and bacon"...Damn!

Hopefully the sun will shine again :)

Anonymous said...

@mania: It is, indeed, very hard for people who eat lots to stick to a diet. I am no exception. :)

@Miracle Drug: Nope, in Mangalore. We are a rare species but i kno lots of med students who blog

@Deluded: yes, and yes. Just tell me what kinda food.

@Anurag: The sun shines. I'm eating sausages and pizza along wid (diet :() coke right now. LOL.

mania said...

yes, i agree. and for this reason, I recommend green tea to my sister.And this thing really works. Green tea is good foe metabolism and burns calories. you should also start taking it.

i have replied to your comment there.

love, mania

Anonymous said...

I drink green tea... lots of it... it's my fav thing to drink actually. i love it, but doesn't seem to be helping :P

deluded said...

kind of food?
do you really need that?


~*Miss A*~ said...

LOL @ dreams of cheese and bacon!

I haven't tried green tea for weight loss yet, but from other comments looks like it may help burn calories...hmm...going to the store now!

Anonymous said...

and ur gonna be a doctor? *sighs* I hate fat doctors

Anonymous said...

@deluded: Okay, will do. I'll let u know when I get back.
@Anonymous: The size of the doctor don't matter, just the grey matter. Don't be mean!!! :(

Kid Dork said...

Well, if you're worried about weight, and you seem good at shoveling snow, I'll buy you a Tim Horton's double double and a chocolate dip donut if you shovel my laneway.

Best deal you're going to get all day, Crow.

Anonymous said...

Extremely tempting offer Kid Dork, but i'm too lazy to move my ass. :P besides, not too fond of donuts. Too bad. U have to shovel ur own drive now ;)

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