February 27, 2009

Gay is as Gay Does

Apparently Guy Ritchie (yeah Madonna's ex-husband) is making a movie on Sherlock Holmes. That sounds awesome. Doyle is a fine writer and a good flick will get lots of people reading his books. But get this, he is going to portray Holmes as being in a gay relationship with Watson!!! What the ....?

Why is the world so obsessed with the gay community? Throughout the earth's history, most homosexuals were hiding in the closet, marrying members of the opposite sex and having confused babies who wondered why daddy spent so much time with Uncle Harris from work, the one who talked like a girl. Then came the stage where the doors started to open and gay people came forward to express their orientation and the world seemed okay with it. So you're different, well I have an earthworm fetish. Live and let live. It was great at that point, and the whole thing should have just stayed that way.

But we always ruin the good stuff and hence there was this statistical explosion. Hundreds of homosexuals started crawling out of the woodwork. In the last few years, everywhere you turn, you hear someone say, yeah I'm gay. Look at me, look at me I'm gay. It's suddenly way cool to be gay. So super cool that it has reached heights of ridiculousness. Even in the fashion industry of extremely conservative India, the gay designers are thought to be more "artsy". And yes, yes, yes, guys who wear pink, you do look homo. Please don't think otherwise. Metrosexuals, ewww! Give me a caveman anyday!

Gay rights are suddenly more important that starvation deaths, the Taliban and child abuse. There are so many marches in the U.S, though you never see the same person twice. So you go, wait, isn't there anyone straight around to make babies with? People who aren't even remotely homosexual get really offended when you make gay jokes. You can make a joke about a person's religion. Christianity takes the biggest and cheapest hits in America. (Ironically, there is the greatest reverence for other religions like Paganism, Buddhism or Hinduism. Ever heard jokes about pagans? See what I mean? They receive respect. Don't get me started.) You can make jokes about race, to a certain extent. What can a Brown do for you? Ha ha ha. But about homosexuality? Oh no, you go to jail, bad boy!

It's like gay people are somehow more special, better than the rest. Put on a pedestal. Given standing applause and psychological medals just for their orientation. Made to feel superior to plain ole boring man-on-woman-lovin' heterosexuals. The whole thing is bullshit, blown out of proportion. Look at Katy Perry. Her "I Kissed a Girl" is so extremely, mind-numbingly stupid that you can't help but wonder about the kind of people who made that song top the charts. Seriously. Exactly where is the world going to?

Coming back to Mr.Ritchie. Sir, you probably never had normal, healthy relationships with great guy friends. You probably find having chest hair uncomfortable. You probably have sexually-charged situations with your doggie and the door post. I can excuse that, and it's nothing a little psychotherapy can't cure. But don't you dare belittle the bond Holmes and Watson share. They come from somewhere you can never go, and Doyle had the kind of genius you can never match. 

Back off, and do a remake of Brokeback Mountain (yes I know it won), the second-worst movie made after The Terminator. You, sir, are a disgrace to the entire human population of right-thinking individuals. Just because you couldn't make it with your wife doesn't mean that you are gay, or everyone else is, so calm down. Next you will be saying Poirot and Hastings are maybe, you know, "sharing their peewees"? Or that the Bronte sisters were not so sisterly? Fuck you Ritchie boy. Know when to stop. I know your movie will probably be a hit. But remember, it's the same people who like Katy Perry who are watching it. Suck it up.

So go on, get a life. Gay people, get some perspective. The rest, get some sleep. And try to streamline the closet doors a little bit. They are falling off the hinges.

23 comments:

Indrayani aka, Indi! said...

hahahaha... this was hillarious and at the same time.. very... umm..thought provoking...
Seriously I cant imagine a gay sherlock holmes myself!!!

Iris said...

Hey. I must first congratulate you on the delightful blog you have here. Simple and yet thought provoking.
And also quite different .. even the title ..

I am glad to add you to Blogging Indians. Thanks for the submission and keep posting!

Luck . Iris.

Pavitra Ramkumar said...

haha.....excellent post....ROTFL! i wouldn't wanna see a gay Sherlock Holmes...

skywind said...

Since the current state of the world are crazy, so crazy people followed. If gay is right, then why has the world's men and women, have female and male. Gay see the children at home, I do not know what the feeling of them.

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~*Miss A*~ said...

LOL at this post!! And the thought of a gay Sherlock Holmes...that's going a bit too far!

Pink Loves Paris said...

No, honestly, portraying Holmes as gay is going a little far.
And as far as being gay is concerned, it is infact very 'in' even in Pakistan, would you believe it? There was a lesbian wedding in my city just recently, 80% of the people didnt go because we thought the Taliban would bomb the place.

South Asia is not ready for such openness. We have yet to fully grasp the Hippie era of rebellion which is happening now for us (wouldn't you think?), than it was in the 60's for N.America.

I think it's cool that people come out with their orientation but the world is indeed in the mood for rebellion, and what better way to rebel against rules and norms than to be gay?! Which is what's happening.

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I also think a gay Sherlock Holmes would be terrible (although I'm curious on how Ritchie will pull it off), but I have to disagree with you on pretty much everything else.

In some aspects, it's fashionable to be gay, but major hate crimes against gays still happen. People mock, makes jokes of and laugh at gays all the time. The conservative right-wing is still using it's power in Congress and the House to ban gay marriages. So, gays may get a lot of limelight, but they are certainly NOT made to feel superior. However, if they would, I would fully welcome it. The crimes and prejudice that has happened to the gay community historically has been horrible.

Yes, Katy Perry topped the charts with her song and yes it was stupid. But of course, women homosexuals are much more accepted than male homosexuals. And the song had an apparent jocular tone (apparent to all accept the right-wing). Nobody really took it as a serious declaration of sensual tendency for another woman.

And Brokeback Mountain is one of my favorite films.

Crowscious said...

@Indi, Pavithra and Miss A: Totally, a gay Sherlock Holmes is just wrong.

@Skywind: Ur comment is very strong, so I really don't know what to say.

@Clandestine Samurai: Finally, the voice of dissent :P. Yeah you are right about the hate crimes. We can't ignore human rights. I was focusing more on how a lot of ppl who aren't gay say they are, and attention does get taken away from the people who are really struggling with their identity.. And, Brokeback Mountain? Seriously? To each their own :D

@Pink Loves Paris: the sixties already happened in India.. during the late seventies and eighties.. see all the old movies.. how provocatively women were dressed. People are becoming more conservative now, reversing modern trends. That's why it's so scary.

MsPuddin said...

yeah I agree with being a little gayed out, but shit let the gays have their moment.I can't argue with your post though you got a point, its like the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation, I'm tired of hearing about it. If they werent famous we wouldn't even care. And the cycle continues...

Kishore Choudhary said...

And try to streamline the closet doors a little bit. They are falling off the hinges.
excellent post.

joshlos said...

Very well done. I'm in agreement on pretty much every point except one: The Terminator was awesome. Sorry.

vjcvjcvjc said...

well written.. thought provoking, as always.. miss ya loads! :(

Anonymous said...

LMAO..best thing u've written so far, not that I read them all.

~Arun

Oh yea and u should be studying

Crowscious said...

@MsPuddin: Yeah I'm gayed out a lil bit. But hopefully the hype dies down.

@Kishore: Thanks yo, ur nice :)

@VJC: Yup,miss you too

@Joslos: Terminator? Lost for words!

@Arun: I AM studying. it was only one stupid paper damn it.

Fay said...

Congratulations! I have reviewed "Crowsciousness" and I'm pleased to inform you that your blog has been added to Blogging Women.

I've enjoyed reading through your blog post (still have more to go through and look forward to future post).

Welcome aboard and continued success with this blog.

Unbreakable said...

Good post totally agree

Arps said...

Hard hitting post there. But I think its not the gay community to blame for the whole attention, but the religion fanatics (christians or otherwise..) who are constantly trying to shun gay people.
If they let go of the agenda & let the gay pple live on, I guess the whole hullaboo will be over.
Who cares whether Holmes was gay or not. Its his analytical ability that people are more interested in. So why bring his sexuality into picture...!!
Live & let live people!!

Chriz said...

dint i comment on this one? did i ? or dint i?

i guess i did... more posts .. and where are you hiding crow?

Crowscious said...

@Arps: Yeah exactly my point. It's putting the emphasis on his sexuality that is pissin me off. Besides i think if Sherlock Holmes was gay,Doyle would have said so.

@Chriz: Yes u did comment. Just now. Not hiding anywhere LOL. Why did u say that?

Juhi said...

I also believe we've kind of over-indulged the gay community (at least the media has), blown them out of proportion...they are getting waayy too much coverage...

workhard said...

Hi, that is one awesome writing girl, thats true, why give so much hype to the gay community, separate them, trash them and be happy...



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~PinginRua~ said...

enjoyed this post. stirring.

agree with you on the christianity-bashing bullshit. it's worst in america, but it's a worldwide thing. in ireland, it's backward and immensely uncool to even admit to believing in god anymore. but so what. that shouldn't STOP - other religions (AND atheism) should get the same treatment. and people should learn to laugh - or roll their eyes and move along.

i don't agree that gays get better treatment than any other group, though. the PC crap is out of control ALL across the board. you can't swing a cat without insulting someone these days... (ha.. i'll have PETA on my back for that one)

Everyone's too fucking touchy! The world needs to lighten up.

WORDS ARE WORDS. They have whatever meaning YOU take from them. I used to hate the word CUNT - it's horrible, right? Why? It's just four letters of the alphabet, one syllable - a NOISE. Two clicks in yer mouth with a waggle from yer voicebox in the middle.

*shrug*

Dream Weaver said...

hmmmm.. interesting. very interesting. ::Raises Brow:: I'll ve seeing this

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