January 19, 2009

Notes From My Mobile

These are some random lines that I stored in my cell at various points in the last two years. I felt they were important enough to remember each time. The stuff in brackets are the explanations.

He felt real anger at the way I was degrading myself. He's a good friend.
(On Ashton, who is always there, getting really pissed and sulky when I do crazy shit.)

I'm the kind of girl who waits with her phone in her hands and her fingers on the green answer button for that one call she knows will never come.
(Self-analysis, after indifferent rejection by some guy whose face I don't recall anymore)

When life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail.
(from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?)

I wanna say to her, shut up you pragmatic piece of shit. Let's be lazy and careless and awful. And totally, shockingly rude and disgusting for once.
(This is for Aura, she drives me up the wall with her righteousness. She stops me before I hit the roof and explode into curses, though. Usually.)

I can tell what you're thinking. I smoke weed so I know.

What you meant to me
Will eventually
Be a memory
(Linkin Park song - In the End. I don't like Linkin Park, but this rhyme sounds good and vaguely deep)

The ugliness finally seems to be really, that she could not see who she was.
(Profound end to a novel I will never write)

I have too much soul for most men to handle. They think I'm clingy, whiny and bossy but I burn, burn, burn all the fucking time. They cannot understand where all this uncomfortable energy is coming from. It's from my soul that just won't calm the hell down.
(Self-analysis, after learning that most men are NOT into moody sarcastic women who dress like homeless people)

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you.
(Song that plays at some point in The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Uninspiring movie but this line struck a chord. I later found out it's from this song "Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield)

I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.
(Muhammad Ali. I saw it on a crush's profile.)

Drowning in a society where I cannot accept the rules.
(When I was called to the administrative office for breaking hostel rules a few more times than thought appropriate or decent. Screw that, I say)

Can I play with madness?
(From some Iron Maiden song. NOT a fan... far from it... but the line caught my attention when a friend was shrieking the words in my ear.)

I fell before
The guns of paranoia
To the smiling cold below
Here I lie unshaken
Over the scarlet glow
Cover me up
Then let me be
I wish to die alone
(Obviously composed while enduring great pain, but wounds heal even if scars don't go away)

I'm Okay, You're Not So Hot
(Title of some book. Haven't read it, but can't be better than the title.)

Fairy tales are make-believe.
(One of Snoop Dogg's very few sensible songs, Ups and Downs.
“There will be, ups and downs, smiles and frowns
Share with me, fairy tales are make believe”)

All we can do is keep breathing.
(Ingrid Michaelson's song Beyond the Pale/Keep Breathing. They play it in Gray's Anatomy when Burke ditches Christina at the altar and she's standing there in the empty apartment alone and weeping. This line plays over and over in the song. Very dramatic. Of course I cried. A lot.)

Love such big mistakes in your life.
(I was sitting in an auto and feeling very miserable over several recent fuck-ups when I saw this drawn in a bright pink on the back of another auto. It cheered me up to no end)

I need to run and not be scared. I need to face myself.
(Before a Pediatric exam I didn't study for at all)

When real people fall down, they get right up and keep on walking.
(Opal Mehta's line in that book by Kavya V. I loved the story, true in many Indian families)

They say that anyone can hold the world in their hands if they want to. But I don't want to. I usually just crawl under it and sleep. A heavy blanket is a good one.
(After over-sleeping and forgetting to turn up for yet another exam)

Mommy it's dark in here.
(From some artwork by a schizophrenic patient. It's supposed to be a child's cry. It always makes me miserable, the whole idea. Babyhood and childhood are usually amazing times. At least they were for me.)

Why does it look like night today?
Something inside's not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
(I must really like Linkin Park subconsciously because this is yet another line from them. Good lyrics though, I must admit. I just hate all the screaming and the piercings)

Everyday a million dreams die.
(When I really really wanted to go for the all-you-can-eat pizza thing and it got over just the day before I knew about it. Messed up)


Chriz said...

I remember typing almost everyline from the movie"scent of a woman" in my mobile fone...

i did that again for pursuit of happYness

Anonymous said...

Yeah Pursuit of Happyness was an awesome movie :) He was really good, Will Smith

Chriz said...

knock knock?
whose there
nobody who?
nobody who?
hauh... liked that one...

the kid rocked men

Juhi said...

Really enjoyed reading this.

Yeah, there are random lines you jot down sometimes because they remind you so much of yourself - like this one from Alexander McCall Smith.

"Isabel looked at her wardrobe, and felt, for a brief moment, despair. There were word people - idea people - and then there were clothes people - fashion people. She knew which group she belonged to."

(from The Right Attitude to Rain)

Anonymous said...

I'm one of the idea people. You should see MY wardrobe :(

vjcvjcvjc said...

LOL.. wher u?

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